The smell of grills firing up, the sound of coolers being stocked with ice, and suddenly everyone's planning their three-day weekend. Memorial Day is right around the bend, bringing with it the unofficial start of summer and its backyard barbecues and family get-togethers.

But if you're anything like me, the holiday gatherings also carry a side dish of stress. Will there be anywhere to sit comfortably? How long before the noise and warmth become too much? What if I need to make an early exit?

It comes with living with chronic illness that these "simple" social events require planning. After years of overdoing and subsequent days of recovering, I have learned some methods for holiday celebrations without the payback.

Surviving the Social Marathon: Energy-Saving Strategies

The key to getting through any holiday gathering isn't pushing through - it's intentional pacing. The following is what works for me:

• Set expectations before you arrive. That awkward "I need to leave early" conversation is so much less painful when you've already mentioned something about it beforehand. A simple text that says "Looking forward to seeing everyone! Just a heads-up that I might need to duck out early depending on how I'm feeling" does the trick.
• Pack a comfort kit for yourself. Outdoor event weather is never quite right - too hot when you're in the sun or chilly in the shade. I always bring layers that can be easily added or removed. BeWell's IV Zip Hoodie is perfect for this - light enough for warm days but provides coverage when you need it. And those Rest Day Socks are a lifesaver when you're sitting on cold patio seating.
• Scout your retreat locations. I identify, in my head, less busy areas where I might retreat if I need to within the first few minutes of arrival. Sometimes this is a vacant room, a secluded section of the yard, or even just my car. Knowing I have somewhere I can retreat to makes me feel more okay with being "stuck" in an overloading environment.
• Make transportation arrangements flexible. There's nothing worse than wanting to make an exit and having to rely on another person's schedule. If possible, drive yourself or take a rideshare so you can make a departure when your body signals it's time - not when the party ends.
• Use the bathroom break escape hatch. If I require a time-out but don't want to draw attention to it, I make a visit to the restroom. Those few moments of quiet can restart my nervous system enough to handle another hour of social interaction.

Food Strategies That Won't Drain Your Energy

One of the hardest things about holiday gatherings is food. You want to bring something, but it's not worth it to do the fancy stuff when you're already energy-tapped. And then there are dietary restrictions to make it all even more complicated.

What follows are some low-energy, spoonie-friendly foods that have saved my bacon a million times:

1. The upscale store-bought platter: Pre-cut vegetables, a nice bowl, pre-made dip, and some herbs. Done in 5 minutes, looks great.
2. Fresh fruit with a twist: Pre-cut fruit with lime juice and mint leaves. Refreshing, and most diets can handle it.
3. The "assembly-only" pasta salad: Fresh pasta, bottled dressing, and pre-cut vegetables or olives. Gluten-free works too.
4. Semi-homemade deviled eggs: Pre-peeled eggs + store mayo + mustard. Mash, mix, and serve.
5. The rotisserie chicken hack: Pre-cooked chicken on a nice platter with herbs. Done.
6. No-cook spring rolls: Rice paper, shredded carrots, cucumber, and cooked shrimp. No stove needed.
7. The cheese plate shortcut: Cheeses, crackers, grapes, and maybe some honey. Minimal prep, maximum praise.
8. Upgraded store sides: Deli coleslaw or potato salad, transferred to your own dish and topped with fresh herbs.
9. Dip duo: Guacamole and salsa with tortilla chips, served in a divided bowl with lime wedges.
10. One-bite sweets: Cookies, strawberries, or mini cupcakes. No slicing, no plating.

The aim is maximum visual impact for minimal effort. And be honest? Nobody cares if you did it homemade. They're just happy you brought something.

The Mindset Shift That Changed Everything

The biggest game-changer for me was not a specific strategy, but letting go of what holidays "should" be like. I used to force myself to stay for the entire event, participate in all the activities, and then spend three days in bed recovering.

I now understand that two good hours in which I am there and relaxed are worth more than five terrible hours in which I am hanging on by my fingernails. Leaving early is not defeat - it's smart allocation of limited resources.

Remember that the majority of people are so focused on their own experience, they barely even notice if you do leave early or don't show up for every last activity. Those who care about you want you to prioritize your health more than they need you to fulfill social obligations.

This Memorial Day, give yourself permission to celebrate in a way that honors your body's limitations. Maybe that is a brief visit, attending by video call, or having a smaller party where you are in control of the environment. Whatever it is, you deserve to enjoy the holiday without needing to pay for it with a flare.

After all, isn't that what a holiday is for - to feel good? For us, that will be different - but no less real.

What are the coping mechanisms that see you through holiday get-togethers? Have you learned how to participate while protecting your energy?