Nobody Told Me Hyperventilating Could Do This

The first time it happened to me, I thought something was seriously wrong.

Not anxiety wrong.

Like… hospital wrong.

I remember feeling nauseous first. That is usually how it starts for me. I get nauseous, then I get anxious about being nauseous, then suddenly my breathing changes and everything spirals from there.

At first I did not even realize I was hyperventilating.

I just remember my body feeling weird. Tingling. Dizzy. My chest felt tight and my hands started cramping up. Then my fingers curled inward and got stuck like that.

Like actual claws. T-Rex Hands. (carpopedal spasm)

And I could not fix them.

I remember trying to straighten my fingers and they just would not work. This made it hard to hold the throw up bucket. It honestly felt like my body short-circuited. The only way I can explain it is it felt like bubbles moving through my blood or electricity running through my arms.

It was terrifying.

My husband had never seen it before and at first he thought maybe I could stop doing it if I calmed down enough. I remember trying to explain through tears that I literally could not move my hands normally. They were locked.

And honestly, one of the reasons I wanted to write this is because nobody talks about this stuff.

Hyperventilation Does Not Always Look Like People Think

Before this happened to me, I thought hyperventilating was just breathing fast during a panic attack.

I had no idea it could become so physical.

I had no idea your hands could lock up.
I had no idea your blood could tingle.
I had no idea your body could cramp and feel completely out of your control.

And I definitely did not know it could happen because of nausea.

But apparently that is a huge trigger for some people. I obviously have a phobia of throwing up.

Especially people whose nervous systems are already exhausted from chronic illness, autoimmune disease, stress, pain, dehydration, medications, or constantly feeling “on alert” inside their own body.

The Hand Thing Is Real

If you know, you know.

Your hands pull inward and almost curl up on themselves. Sometimes your feet cramp too. Mine always start tingling first and then my fingers slowly stop cooperating.

And if this has happened to you before, no, you were not being dramatic.

There is actually a reason it happens.

When you hyperventilate, your body blows off too much carbon dioxide, and that chemical shift can mess with your muscles and nerves enough that your hands literally spasm.

So if someone has ever told you:
“Just relax your hands.”

Trust me, if it were that easy, we would.

I Think Chronic Illness Makes This Stuff Feel Scarier

I think part of why this feels so terrifying when you have a chronic illness is because we already spend so much time trying to figure out whether symptoms are serious or not.

Our brains are already trained to monitor everything.

Is this nausea normal?
Am I dehydrated?
Am I going to pass out?
Is this medication related?
Do I need help?
Is this dangerous?

So when your body suddenly starts tingling and locking up and you cannot control your breathing, it is hard not to panic even more.

Especially when you have already spent years dealing with symptoms other people do not understand.

The Worst Part Is Feeling Out of Control

That was honestly the part that stuck with me the most.

Not being able to stop my own body from doing something.

I think people who do not live with chronic illness sometimes underestimate how scary it is when your body starts doing things you did not choose and cannot immediately stop.

The shaking.
The dizziness.
The nausea.
The hyperventilating.
The muscle spasms.
The claw hands.

There is a helplessness to it that is hard to explain unless you have lived it.

And afterward I always felt embarrassed. Even though I know I should not.

Because symptoms that look “dramatic” make people uncomfortable.

But chronic illness is not always quiet and graceful and easy to hide.

Sometimes your nervous system just hits overload.

Things That Help Me Personally

I am not a medical professional, but over time I have figured out a few things that help me get through it a little faster.

The biggest thing is cooling myself down immediately. Sometimes I am freezing and sometimes I have a panic sweat.

I also try really hard to slow my breathing out instead of trying to suck in giant breaths. For some reason focusing on long slower exhales helps me more.

Cold air helps.
Ice packs help.
Less noise helps.
Less people talking helps.

And honestly sometimes what helps most is somebody staying calm around me instead of panicking with me. 

Because when your body already feels out of control, fear from other people can make it so much worse.

If This Happens to You, You Are Not Alone

I really wish somebody had explained this to me before it happened the first time.

Because I genuinely thought I was losing control of my body.

And maybe you have felt that way too.

Maybe your hands have locked up.
Maybe your limbs tingled.
Maybe you could not catch your breath.
Maybe you felt embarrassed afterward.
Maybe somebody around you did not understand what they were seeing.

But you are not crazy.

And honestly, I think more people in the autoimmune and chronic illness community deal with this than anyone realizes.

We just do not talk about it enough because it feels scary and weird and hard to explain.

But if your body has ever reacted this way, you are not the only one.

And I know how terrifying it can feel when your own body suddenly stops feeling safe.