Written by: Benjamin Ruehrdanz

Society tells men to be stoic, to push aside pain and not to talk about their problems. Ultimately, regardless of gender, difficulties in talking about your condition come down to a practice in vulnerability. Hiding your struggles can be mistaken for strength, but true strength can be found in vulnerability. Here are 5 tips to be more open when people ask about your illness:

1. Accept What You Can’t Control

The first step to letting others see you completely and fully is accepting yourself just the way you are. Most of the time, when someone is chronically ill, you aren’t in control of what’s happening inside your body. The sooner you accept what you can’t control, the sooner you can let others see in.

2. Don’t Let Shame Control You

Many people, especially men, believe they have to hide their pain or illness because they fear being seen as weak. In truth, this fear is holding them back from meaningful connection with people who care. It can be difficult at first to open up, but it becomes easier the more you do it. True strength is pushing past the fear of shame.

3. Don’t Miss Out on Meaningful Connection

Letting others know that you are sick, tired, or having a tough time can feel like you are burdening them with your problems. In truth, having the strength to admit the difficulties of your illness creates a safe space with the other person and lets them help you. Your vulnerability will connect you to others, and you might be surprised by what they feel comfortable sharing with you.

4. What Others Think Does Not Define You

One reason we don’t share about the emotions or physical difficulties relating to our illness is that we worry that others will think poorly about us. We tell ourselves stories about what is happening in their minds. In truth, we don’t know what others think about us, and their thoughts don’t define us. Once we recognize that we are telling a story about the other person’s thoughts, we can choose to tell a new story. Maybe they were admiring you all along!

5. Be Brave

Admitting to others that we aren’t perfect can be terrifying. By saying it out loud, we are forced to acknowledge that our pain and emotions are real. Hiding our true struggles when someone asks might seem like we are being strong, but admitting we are broken requires bravery and is where true strength is found.

Managing life with an illness is not a simple task. People in your life can help you, but only if you let them in. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not may seem like you are being strong, but this might be cheating yourself out of real benefits. It might be difficult at first to open up, but the more you push yourself to be vulnerable, the easier it will become. Your loved ones will feel more comfortable around you. If you’re honest, you might give them the courage to be vulnerable as well. Start by accepting yourself and by releasing what you can’t control, and you’ll be on your way.